Comments on: It gets easier… kinda

By: screamish

screamish — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 08:04:39 +0000

My twins are only four months old but you’re right. Things are infinitely easier than at the beginning, but there’s a whole set of new problems cropping up all the time. So yeah, it’s just different.

By: Marnie

Marnie — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 00:07:41 +0000

When I was in the throws of newborn twinsanity it also happened to be the dead of Winter. Besides my constant bundled up walks around the neighborhood my other safe haven was Babies R Us. It was a 30 minute drive from my house and once I was there I could browse around for hours, pushing the stroller so the nuggets would sleep and then before I left I would hole up in the “Mothers’ Room” and change and feed the babies in a quiet and calming environment. We spent ALOT of time in BRU in the first few months. This is also where I met my first real-live twin mommy post-childbirth. I saw her in the bottle section. She didn’t have her kids with her but approached me because I KNOW I had that all too familiar dazed and panic stricken look that I’ve seen so many twin mamas have since I had my girls. She introduced herself and, in a desperate tone, I whispered “please tell me it gets easier.” She smiled and said (and I remember this like it was yesterday) “Sweetie, I’m not going to lie to you. It never get easier. It just gets different.” I cried for 30 minutes in the Mothers’ Room after that. While I don’t agree with her 100% (once you take insane sleep deprivation out of the equation everything gets EASIER to HANDLE – from a mental aspect) I DO agree that it never gets “EASY.” Each age is met with a new set of challenges. So – my line now is “Yes, it gets easier when they start sleeping through the night. But it never gets “easy”…..it just gets different.” I also met a woman in the parking lot of the pedi when the girls were 11 days old. She pulled up in a huge suburban, rolled down her window and said “OH TWINS! I have twins. They are 5 now.” Jeff and I must have looked like zombies because she finished with “Don’t worry, it gets really great when they’re three!” And she drove off. Jeff and I just stood there, looked at one another and said “THREE????” I, again, cried silently the entire way home. SO – this is really long – but my goal NOW is to not SCARE new twin mamas – but I also try to be optimistically realistic! GREAT POST! Thanks!

By: Quadmama

Quadmama — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 16:36:32 +0000

I think as our children age we face different challenges, some of them “easier” to handle than others. Now that I get a full night’s sleep (most nights) I’m rested and better prepared to handle whatever my daughters throw at me (sometimes I mean that quite literally). Other times, such as the recent stomach bug that went through our house, I long for the days of having four infants that are quarantined to keep them away from germs! I appreciate the fact that my daughters can do more for themselves, but I don’t like the fact that they’re not snuggly babies any more!

By: Diane

Diane — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 14:37:26 +0000

My little ones are in a rowdy, exploratory stage which is testing all the limits (twin boys age 19 months)
But I have the added perspective of the “long haul”, since my older son is 7 years old. First graders present their own unique challenges which can make the toddler challenges seem easy. New stuff crops up like school issues, issues with friends, complicated emotions, figuring out the world, testing authority, these things challenge parents in new ways.
With my toddlers and first grader keeping me on my toes, I rarely have time for reflection anyway, we are in “survival mode” for the foreseeable future!

By: Mommy, Esq.

Mommy, Esq. — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 14:03:25 +0000

I found that once we hit 4 months the kids were easier because I was more comfortable with them – willing to CIO, “forcing” them to learn to nap well, personalities emerging. We still have our ups and downs at 5+ months but I can’t stress to new twin moms that the first 12 weeks are The Worst. Someone once wrote on a blog that as your kids grow the problems grow with them – right now as infants it is just basic needs that consume our days (eating, sleeping, some playtime) – as they get older you deal with walking, talking, eventually friend issues, sex, okay way getting ahead of myself but you see the point.

By: Shelley

Shelley — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 05:10:52 +0000

Well said! I was trying to put this into words recently and you’ve hit the nail on the head. At 18 months, there are more times that I want to pull my hair out, but MANY more times that they just crack me up. I feel a little crazy thinking that this is a “hard stage” because it was SO hard in the beginning…….but this is DEFINITELY one of the most challenging ages so far!

By: mamie

mamie — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 04:01:40 +0000

I think ‘easier’ should be a word banished from parenting.

My feeling is that things have progressed and changed and altered so much so quickly. I had such a rough start that everything since has been better. And it is crazy and amazing and hard and fun and crappy in so many ways, but overall, it does just get better and better…except when your kid drops a very clear curse word at the park in front of the old man we help on Mondays as he cleans up….I so totally have to clean up my mouth stat. And we thought it would be cool when they started talking. Arg.

By: Sadia

Sadia — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 01:39:59 +0000

I think that parenting may not be that much easier, but I’m better at it now with more experience under my belt, and a deeper understanding of each of children.

Some parts are easier. At 2.75 (thanks, Laura!), my girls can understand and talk about the absence of their father. He left when they were five months old, too, but back then, one went on a nursing strike. I’ll take “I need my Daddy” over a nursing strike any day!

Some parts are harder. Handling their criticism of my shortcomings is HARD. Potty training is hard. Teaching them to handle their emotions in a socially acceptable way is hard.

Sleep, more than anything, makes almost 3 years easier than almost 3 months.

By: bmiad

bmiad — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 01:05:57 +0000

If you’re loving 18 months, you’re doing great -I thought that was the hardest age of all. I loved 6-12 months. But, I’ve talked to a lot of twin parents that thought age 2 wasn’t so terrible at all, because the fact that it’s so much easier physically and practically kind of makes up for the drama and tantrums. That was true for us. 3.5, on the other hand… Who knew they could still be so whiny and unreasonable at almost 4?

By: Betsey

Betsey — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 00:30:02 +0000

I have to agree with Kristin, although my twins are a little younger.

Having four kids with the youngest being just about 1 year old twins and the others being 2.5 and 5 is driving me crazy. When the babies were little, we were able to go out and do almost anything we needed to. We just strapped them into the carseats/strollers and went on our merry way. Sure, they puked and cried constantly at night, but at least we were able to get out during the day.

Right now I am not capable of getting everyone out safely on a regular basis. With two babies/new toddlers who have houdini like skills of climbing out of things and refuse to sit still for more than 2 minutes combined with a 2.5 year old who is a runner and the disgusting nature of a MN winter, I have been spending massive amounts of quality time in my basement. Not fun.

When the babies were born I had my eye on the prize (aka one), thinking that if we made it through the first year it would be golden. Since that day comes in 3 days and I am at times verging on the edge of insanity, I have had to shift my goal to 2 years.

So, mommies who have made it farther than me, I will take you at your word that it gets easier, cause Lord knows I’m waiting!

ps. On a more positive note, I also have the mantra of summer will be better, summer will be better that gets me through those tough days!