Comments on: Indivisibility

By: al b

al b — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 02:50:10 +0000

This post really resonates for me. I’ve logged many hours feeling guilty about the relative lack of individual attention my now 3 year old boys receive. Over the past year I’ve really made an effort to spend more time with them one-on-one, because (as you noted) it is oh-so-different. And so very, very fun. And because my sons’ behavior is so different. And I notice so much more, am so much more relaxed.
My sons participate in a weekly music class for toddlers, and my husband and I decided to attend together and then split up for a dinner out, alternating which child went with which parent, each week. It has been great, and has actually led to more outings of that sort–to run errands, to take a walk, etc. And the really cool part is that my kids now request “special time” with each of us.
We found that purchasing a third car seat (f or our second, non-kid car) was incredibly helpful in facilitating these sorts of outings.

By: Nicole

Nicole — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 16:33:04 +0000

All of this really resonates for me- what a great piece, ‘Rajen’!
We have one year old triplets & a 7 year old, so boy, do I hear ya!! From the struggle to ‘be present’ vs. just pushing through to the next task to recognizing each of them as individuals.

I’ve committed to rotating little outings with each of them separately. It may be something as simple as running an errand or stopping by my parents’ house, but it is still special simply because it’s one on one. And isn’t it funny to notice how they act a little differently when they are sans siblings?? It’s like, ‘Wait, where is everybody else??’.

Like everything else on this crazy journey with multiples, I just have to trust that if I can say I’m really doing my best, then that will be enough.

By: Julia

Julia — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 03:16:18 +0000

I hear you all the way through.

our bath time routine is more like a fast-paced manufacturing plant and they’re lucky to be fully dried off before we pull pajamas onto twisting (toddlers) babies.

Best description of my bedtime routine ever.

And it is oh-so horrible to be cuddling a needy baby in the middle of the night and just worrying about how long it will take for the other one to wake up too (because she certainly will!). Thankfully, I am past the phase where my heart would pound with every move or louder noise the (still) sleeping baby made. I figured ways to comfort them both at the same time or just let them stay awake if that is what they need, and don’t worry so much anymore.

By: Cindy G

Cindy G — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 18:00:09 +0000

I have a 5 year old and 1 year old twins – all girls, born in June a week apart. Last night, now that the birthday celebrations are over, my DH and I were reflecting on the last year/5 years and how with our first, we had SO MUCH TIME to devote to her, talking, singing, reading, playing. I feel (read: worry) the little ones are being cheated out of a lot of that because a lot of our day is simply routine. I also feel bad that my oldest is lacking in the attention department – she sometimes tells us she misses when it was “just us three”. One on one time is hard to come by, but we really make it a point with the 5 year old to get time daily, after the babes are in bed. We discussed trying to incorporate outings, such as errands, were one of us will take a single child with them to do what needs to be done. At least there will be some individual time there, even if it’s just a trip to the store. Hopefully, we’ll be able to pull this off. I guess we’ll just rock/paper/scissors it who the lucky one is that gets to go run the errands.

By: Amy

Amy — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 15:48:39 +0000

Our twin girls just turned 1. We too have the mucous beyond crazy production going on here. As a result, for the first time in a year I have felt singleton envy (this is turning into a confession). The nights are so hard. One wakes up, sick, rock, sweet songs, possible tylenol…back to the crib. But then it happens again with the other. Instead of just quiet undivided attention for the baby being rocked, in the back of my mind I am thinking…”I hope her sister doesn’t wake up.” What is it that I hear? It gets easier when they turn 3 or something…good grief.

By: LauraC

LauraC — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 02:46:04 +0000

I feel like this got easier for us once I saw all my singleton mom friends having baby #2 and going through *another* transition, learning to deal with 2. It helped me see that while I didn’t have those singleton moments, I also didn’t know what I was missing when they don’t get them the second time around.

That said, my husband and I make a commitment to have a single date with each boy at some point during the week. We all need that time. My husband travels a lot for work so this often gets punted to the weekends, but the boys enjoy that special time as much as we do.

Some weeks it feels like yet another item on the endless chore list, but I can’t say I ever regretted that it ended up getting done. Plus they do act differently when they are alone and I think they need that time.
.-= LauraC´s last blog ..A day in the life, now with more marshmallow! =-.

By: Heather Mott

Heather Mott — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 02:15:44 +0000

I just found your website and I love the title and I love the writing. I will be following from now on. Heather .-= Heather Mott´s last blog ..Summer Chores For Twins and A Single =-.

By: Mommy, Esq.

Mommy, Esq. — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 00:03:26 +0000

Penny’s eating issues has forced quite a bit of one on one time. But I’d rather they be together. My sisters and I never had special “time” with mom and dad separately. We were sisters first and foremost and the childhood memories I have are mostly about them – about fighting and playing and just being siblings. I hope my kids feel that way too some day.
.-= Mommy, Esq.´s last blog ..Thursday is for Testing: Penny Update =-.