Comments on: The Gentle Truth

By: The truth. « existere (latin): to stand out, to emerge.

The truth. « existere (latin): to stand out, to emerge. — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 12:43:41 +0000

[...] moms find it really hard. There are also some who choose to take the hardness, and use to to help those that follow. It is a community unlike others, though ‘mom communities’ seem to me to be more [...]

By: Leah

Leah — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 18:15:36 +0000

You got hour long shut-up walks? That’s not fair. Not fair at all.

My advice for people who want to have or who are having twins? REST UP.

By: Janel

Janel — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 11:50:20 +0000

One of the better things my husband and I repeat to ourselves when we need cheering up through one of the bad parts is what a lot of multiples moms in my area have said to me – It doesn’t get “better” necessarily, it gets different.

When you’ve been dealing with the same horrible problems over and over, times however many multiples you’ve got, knowing that the challenges will at least change does sort of help us.

The truth is, some of that “different” IS “better.”
.-= Janel´s last blog ..Stairs =-.

By: becky@oursweetpeas

becky@oursweetpeas — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 21:18:35 +0000

I'm with you and keep it positive with a dose of reality. I have a friend who recently had twins and I wanted to let her know that there are going to be hard days and she should know that we ALL have a hard time at times, etc. I hope it will encourage her to reach out when needed. .-= becky@oursweetpeas´s last blog ..So Happy It's Friday! =-.

By: Jill

Jill — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 20:00:26 +0000

I just love the “shut up walks”. I really love that expression and I have taken many of them with my three boys- ages 3 yrs, and 17 mos twins.

By: Gwen

Gwen — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 18:29:05 +0000

I struggle with this same question. How much reality? How much encouragement? My best friend had twins 18 months after me, and I was so excited for her. And scared for her.
I tried hard to tell her that they were amazing, and I loved them. But it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and still is. I told her about the crying while they cried, that the sleep deprivation almost killed me, that my marriage took a beating. I repeated a million times, “you can call me anytime, day or night. I understand.” As hard as it was to balance what I was telling her, being able to share it was so special.
.-= Gwen´s last blog ..Playdate at Sarah’s =-.

By: nonlineargirl

nonlineargirl — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 04:02:08 +0000

The problem with “it will get better at …” is that it doesn’t actually help with whatever hard moment someone is going through. First time parents hear “it will get better” but don’t really believe it in their bones, so hearing it doesn’t do much to blunt the current difficulties. Parents with other kids know it will get better, so they don’t really need to hear it. Both types of parents want advice. Or rather, what I want (as the mother of 3 month olds) is advice on how to get through NOW. How do I get them to nap when I am home alone with them? Why does my boy take 3 times as long to get to bed at night as my girl?

I know it will change, but what do I do now? I can not be the only one feeling this. Hearing it will get better shows the speaker/writer cares, but doesn’t do much to help. Pretty much every “wow this is hard” post on my multiples group’s web site elicits “it will change” supportive comments – again, nice but not actually helpful since it is not advice.

I say – tell a new or expectant parent the truth – it is really hard but worthwhile, and you will be available to talk about what you did to get through various hard moments. (Actually, this is the same thing I’d say to people expecting a single baby as well. The feeling is the same if the intensity is different with twins.)
.-= nonlineargirl´s last blog ..Two Little Girls, Three Little Pigs =-.

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 17:16:26 +0000

My kids are now 2.4. My latest pet peeve is when people say to me—you think this is hard? Three is MUCH WORSE. Thanks a lot. While it may be true, I simply don’t want to hear it and find it fairly rude to say to me, especially when I’m having a bad day. Sure, it stays hard. Sure, it might get harder, but I don’t think it ever helps to point it out to people, especially when they are struggling. I think the same is true of people with newborn twins. And honestly, I’m one of those people who thinks NOTHING is as hard as the first four months. Nothing. It does get easier—you sleep again—you stop BFing 24/7—etc…o course you have tantrums, but you also have language and playgrounds and all such fun. When I’m talking to pregnant or new moms, I try to focus on the things I found really helpful versus how hard/easy it is.

By: Christina Baglivi Tinglof

Christina Baglivi Tinglof — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 03:50:30 +0000

I read somewhere that “it doesn’t get better…it just gets different.” Boy, isn’t that the truth! Yes, the first month is the worst with them waking every few hours but I miss the days when they didn’t talk back or roll their eyes. I miss the days when they didn’t bicker or wrestle each other to the ground for the TV remote (for goodness sake–it’s a remote!!) They were so cute and innocent in those days. Their eyes were so wide! I think everybody needs to experience their twins in their own way. There’s nothing any of us can say to lessen the pain or promote the joy–we all have to live through it and hopefully find the joy.
.-= Christina Baglivi Tinglof´s last blog ..Singing the Road Trip Blues =-.

By: Quadmama

Quadmama — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 21:48:10 +0000

Whenever I meet a mom of newborn twins and she finds out I have quads said mom tends to look at me like “wow, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.” If she seems really frazzled I’ll ask about specific milestones (sleeping through the night, etc) if they’ve reached one of the milestones I focus on how great that is… we all know raising multiples is hard… it’s nice to have a cheerleader every now and then.
.-= Quadmama´s last blog ..School Supplies… Or How I Blew $100 in One Day =-.