Comments on: A minor difference of opinion

By: Samantha

Samantha — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 19:13:30 +0000

When we decided to get pregnant for the second time, twins were no where on our radar. (This was pretty stupid given the fact that there are so many twins in my family it is hard to keep track of them all.) We had one daughter and thought a second child would be nice. We kept the door open for a possible third but figured we’d likely be done with two. Then at six months gestation, we learned that I was carrying twins.

I am really happy that I had the opportunity to have a singleton and while there were a lot of mixed feelings about the twins in the beginning, I’m happy that I got to experience twins as well. (My g/g twins are 8 months old.) I am absolutely done having children but it is such a gift to hear my oldest daughter say, “Mama. I really love my baby sisters.”
Samantha´s last blog ..Handmade for the Holidays

By: Deanna

Deanna — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 20:01:14 +0000

I, too, could have written this post or something very similar. It’s almost been as if I always knew I would have twins. I used to say I wanted to do the pregnancy process twice, so if we had twins, that would mean three kids. Immediately after my girls were born, I declared how crazy I had been to say that!

Now, 7 months in, I recognize that longing for a singleton experience. My husband and I say all the time how easy it would be to take care of one baby now that we’ve lived through taking care of two. But the reality is that it wouldn’t be all that easy…I already have two children to care for, and at times I wonder if there’s enough of me for the two of them (not to mention my husband, work, etc….). When I actually stop to imagine it, I think my family may be pretty perfect as it is now, with our two girls. My sister and I have become best friends as we’ve gotten older, and I love to think that my girls will have an even stronger bond. I can’t help but think a third would probably feel a little left out at times. (And although I would be okay with another set of twins, we would all be in the loony bin, so the point of having more children would be moot!)

Of course, I am only 27, as is my husband, so who knows what the next 10 years or so hold??

By: Ellen K.

Ellen K. — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 18:20:27 +0000

I grew up as the only sibling of identical twin boys who are 18 months younger than me. I was pretty lonely at times. They have a very intense bond, and as I was more reserved and bookish in comparison, I often felt that I was best known as “the twins’ sister.” My parents didn’t encourage this, but in some ways they subtly reinforced it by always letting my brothers choose each other for seat partners at amusement parks, car rides, etc.

I realize this is not a popular opinion, but I think 3 can be a lonely number when the other 2 are twins and especially if the non-twin is of a different sex than the twins or close in age so as to invite more comparisons. We’re stopping with 2 (infertility and out-of-pocket IVF prevents us from considering 4 or more).

By: Sadia

Sadia — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 17:41:37 +0000

I didn’t want kids, to the point that when my husband proposed, I answered, “Yes, unless you want kids.” When he asked me to rethink my stance after we were married, I found myself a therapist. I wanted her to certify, so Lucas would understand , that I should never ever have kids.

After a year in therapy, I caved. He wanted a zillion kids. Five, actually. I wanted two. We agreed to two. He wanted to be done having kids by the time he was 24. (Yeah, I think he’s nuts too, but his parents were very young they had him, and they’re great parents.) I wouldn’t consider kids before I was 26.

Six days before I turned 27, when Lucas was still 24, I gave birth to spontaneous identical girls. We were done.

Lucas loved having infants. He was great with them. He wanted twin boys to add to our brood. I told him he was nuts. Plus, he’s overseas every other year, so guess who gets to change the diapers!

The girls hit the toddler years and my friends with kids the same age as mine started having number two. I’d never had the biological urge to reproduce before, and I suddenly started feeling it. I wanted to nurse again, to be a parent with some experience under my belt. I mentioned it to hubby, and he said, with no wiggle room at all, that he would not deal with a pregnant me again. We were done.

Now, if a baby (or a pair!) pops into our lives at some point and need(s) a home, we’re open to adoption. We probably won’t seek it out, though.
Sadia´s last blog ..Girly girls

By: Cindy

Cindy — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 15:26:47 +0000

I had a girl first then g/g twins 4 years later. When we found out we were having twins we were surprised and then happy – 3 kids, just what my husband wanted (I, for the record was a 2 at the most kind of gal). But then, after their birth, I was told I can’t have more children and the sadness and longing for another, for a single baby was extreme. With having twins, there wasn’t the intense snuggle time I had with my first and I missed it, because I knew what it was like. But then again, when would there be that time with 4 kids to care for?
What I will say though, is having 3 is so much fun – 4 years difference is awesome. K loves playing with her sisters, she is very caring and nurturing yet still has her own time to do her thing. Sure, there are moments, lots of them, where I think – what a drag for the little ones that they don’t get the one on one time that Kayla had, but if they were a singleton pregnancy instead of twins, it would still be the same issue. I think every parent that is choosing to add to their family has the back and forth, the list of pros and cons, and you need to do what’s right for you. And for the record, I’ve asked my first how she feels about her sisters and her answer is always that she loves having them around.

By: Amanda

Amanda — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 13:11:43 +0000

Well we did the singleton and then b/g twins. At around the time the twins were 1 years old I was having baby fever like you wouldn’t believe! It was not to say I wanted to start trying right away but I wanted to know the idea was open for discussion. It really wasn’t. So I let it go and now they are just over 2 and the baby fever right now is out the window and miles and miles away. I couldn’t imagine having another one right now. As many things have gotten easier, the 2’s are still pretty tough in different ways. I’m a younger mom so I definitely have time on my side. I wouldn’t consider one more until they were at least 4. Our son just turned 4 before they were born and he was so self sufficient that it helped us out so much!

Oh, and my husband also has the fear of twins again, I try and agree but really wouldn’t mind at all! : )

By: Jungletwins

Jungletwins — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 09:13:39 +0000

Hmmm…. We’ll have to meet up for cocktails in beantown and further debate this issue Like you, I talk about it a lot, oscillate a lot. I just don’t know. I’m 30 now, and will probably be weighing pros and cons for the next 5 yrs., maybe longer!
Jungletwins´s last blog ..Does Marriage Change People?

By: Michele

Michele — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 02:45:43 +0000

I always said 2 and that was it. I was sick most of my pregnancy and even after delivery staying in the hospital over a week, but I have forgotten all of that. Is it to prove to myself that I can do it? I don’t know. My babies are only four months and every day gets more exciting and sad at the same time. It is one less day I can cuddle with them.

I think hubby is on the same page. I even said to my mom today I would not mind another set of twins. After it came out of my mouth I realized I was completely crazy. I think hubby is on the same page. He would also be happy with no more.
Michele´s last blog ..And the Jay-Z song was on

By: Bekki

Bekki — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 02:30:10 +0000

I am so glad to hear I am not the only crazy one out there. Totally thought I’d be in the 2 and done camp, but now that they’re a year old, there’s a big part of me that really wants to do the whole thing again–with only one, I hope! My husband isn’t sold on the whole thing, but hasn’t given me an absolute no, he just wants to wait until they’re a little older before we talk about it.

The part that worries me is the being pregnant and chasing around toddlers. I was sick as a dog for the first 1/2 of the twin pregnancy, and it would be really hard to be a good mom and be that sick.

By: Julia

Julia — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 02:07:38 +0000

I could have written that too. Including the sick part of not minding twins again and even musing with the idea.
Julia´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday