Comments on: Yours, Mine, and Ours

By: Terzah

Terzah — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 21:42:17 +0000

My twins turn 3 next month. In addition to using the timer (which usually diffuses any fighting), in extreme cases, I will take the toy away if they can’t get it together. Usually the threat of this is enough to get them to figure out some solution on their own without screaming.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 05:19:56 +0000

I started with the swap thing with my 3 yr old when he wanted a toy one of the twins had. At first (until about 16 months) it worked great b/c they could care less what toy they had. Now they’ve figured it out and throw a fit. It totally cracked me up the first time I saw one of the twins try to “swap” a toy to get something she wanted. I never taught her, she just picked it up from her big brother.

By: Judy

Judy — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 20:29:40 +0000

I think we’ll have them start counting to 20 now though. Too easy to count to 10 now.

By: Judy

Judy — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 20:28:09 +0000

When one wants to play with something that other currently has in their possession we tell her to count to 10 and then it will be X’s turn. First, they have to count too, and they don’t really know how to count so it takes quite a long time for them to count to 10. This lets the original owner get used to the idea of letting the other twin have their turn, and lets the receiver do something while they wait. Soon enough, they start counting on their own, and the giver starts giving on their own. Now that my kids are 2 there are 3 scenarios that play out: 1. the giver immediately gives it to the other. 2. The receiver starts counting and then gets distracted by something else. 3. The giver doesn’t want to give up the toy. If case 3, a offer to trade something for the toy is made which works pretty well, I distract both of them with a story, and if nothing works an explanation that the giver doesn’t always have to give up the toy and that reciever can play with something else or do something with me.

By: Jamie

Jamie — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 10:55:33 +0000

We take a hands-off approach. I don’t get involved unless something serious starts to happen. Then I start with “Lets see if we can find a way to play together with that toy” and I try to come up with a creative way to use the toy together.

We originally taught our oldest to find some other toy that the twins would like better and try to swap … that works now with all three of them.

We insist that if they want a toy they have to ask politely if they can have it now … I sometimes hear one of them say, “Since you asked politely you can have it” … that always cracks me up.

But then there are times(days) when nothing works and toys and kids both need time outs

By: Kim

Kim — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 23:43:43 +0000

This post couldn’t have come at a better time, though, I’m sure that’s the case for most ages until 25, right? We make our girls share everything except their beloved Lamb and Bunny, which is only theirs. They are 16 months now, so I’m sure once they get older they will have a selection of toys that may become only theirs. We’re not totally sure how that will work yet. We use the term “taking turns” rather than “sharing”. It seems to work better. We also “trade” for other stuff to make taking turns easier on the one who has to give up whatever they are playing with. Most of the time we make the one who wants the toy to wait. If all hell breaks loose and both have tantrums the toy “takes a break” or “time out” and we move onto something else after an explanation of why the toy needs a break/we need a break from the toy. Every situation seems to be different and is handled differently. We try to focus on the attitude of their hearts rather than whose turn it is.

By: Rhonda

Rhonda — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 19:13:11 +0000

We have some items that are exact duplicates, some items that are each child’s alone, never to be shared. These are usually stuffed animals, blankets, lovies, their fisher price cameras, aquadoodle mats designed for one, etc.

They do share all of the the large toys and the accessories that go with them (kitchen and dishes, dollhouse and dolls, etc.) as well as books, puzzles, blocks, board games, etc.

The most important thing for us is to never allow the second child to take something from the first under the guise of “sharing.” If someone is already playing with it, then you have to wait your turn. Sometimes this means waiting until the first one is done. Other times it means setting a timer so the first one knows when her turn is over. If the set is large enough for 2 to play together, they I insist that they both play together, but use different parts. No one every has to hand over the specific item they are already using.
Rhonda´s last blog ..Cooking with Dad

By: Tina

Tina — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:18:01 +0000

My 3 yo definitely has stuff that are HIS and he ain’t sharing it and I don’t make him. I mean, the poor kid lost most of all of HIS stuff when the twins invaded HIS house and HIS space.

The twins (19 months) play mostly with the older one’s old toys. If he gets a hankering for something the twins are playing with, I make him wait until the twins are done with it and then he can play with it. Their attention span is all of 12 minutes or so. He can wait.

Twins have to share with each other too and take turns but as to the “day’s coveted toy” (ha, Quadmama), I let them have that if it seems like it has been theirs all day and they don’t have to share that.

Then, I deep breathe through the crying and screaming that occurs thereafter.
Tina´s last blog ..A Breeding Ground for Subdural Hematomas

By: Melanie

Melanie — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:57:48 +0000

We have boought very few toys for the twins, so most of what they play with was originally bought for our 3yo. “MINE” is yelled from time to time, and the twins steal each other’s toys all the time. We explain sharing and that it’s not nice to take things away from other people. ODS is learning, I think.

However, I do feel it is important to let each child have something of their own. My sister (2Yrs older) and I shared everything until she got married. But there were certain things we knew were special to the other one, and so those were not shared. If I am going to see all of my children as individuals, they also should have their own special belongings.
Melanie´s last blog ..Snark, Snark, Snark

By: Quadmama

Quadmama — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:42:21 +0000

For the most part we have to share, but there are certain items that belong to each girl. Their blankies are off limits to anyone else. Around age 2, two of my daughters received stuffed animals at separate doctor’s appointments. Those became “their” animals. If they want to allow their sisters to play with them, fine… if not, fine. So then I let the other two “claim” a stuffed animal, too. As for the other toys, I try to figure out who was playing with the day’s coveted toy first and then give her a chance to share (“When you’re done with that it would be really nice to let your sister play with it, too”) When all else fails, set the oven timer. I tried it starting around 1 1/2 or 2 years old… set the timer for 5 minutes and then it’s time to hand over the toy. It took a few tries to get it, but now, if they’re arguing over a toy they’ll actually ask me to set the timer.