Comments on: The Twins http://www.hdydi.com/2010/03/the-twins/ Moms of Multiples Tell it Like it Is Mon, 06 Feb 2012 12:40:33 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Kristin from Intrepid Murmurings http://www.hdydi.com/2010/03/the-twins/comment-page-1/#comment-8415 Kristin from Intrepid Murmurings Sat, 06 Mar 2010 16:55:07 +0000 http://www.hdydi.com/?p=4012#comment-8415 I also highly recommend "Emotionally Healthy Twins" and am trying to put some of those ideas into action around here. I did feel some sections were a bit much (mostly the chapter(s) directed at babies though) but in general the suggestions and theories seemed sound. That said, my ID girls at 21 months are together a LOT, and do have similar personalities and interests right now. We are trying to be careful to notice differences in personalities and interests, though, and get books/toys or go on outings to encourage that. I try to take one or the other twin out alone every weekend (just for errands, often) so that the other twin is home with Dad and big sister (3.5). Those times are really special for us! I also think its important for their older sister to have one-on-one time with each little sister. Having a 3rd child probably helps break up the twin-reliance since they both take turns playing with her, leaving the other to hang out with me or play by themselves. One definitely tends to play/enjoy playing along with big sis more than the other, which is fine but I am keeping an eye on it to make sure the second twin is not excluded too much. I am also intending to separate them for preschool, when the time comes. Same school, different classes. I want them to make their own friends and be seen as an individual and I don't think thats possible together (esp since they are identical). We have a ways to go before then, however! .-= Kristin from Intrepid Murmurings´s last blog ..<a href="http://www.chinacat.org/roller/sunfrog/entry/line_em_all_up" rel="nofollow">Line 'em all up! (aka out & about while outnumbered by toddlers)</a> =-. I also highly recommend “Emotionally Healthy Twins” and am trying to put some of those ideas into action around here. I did feel some sections were a bit much (mostly the chapter(s) directed at babies though) but in general the suggestions and theories seemed sound.

That said, my ID girls at 21 months are together a LOT, and do have similar personalities and interests right now. We are trying to be careful to notice differences in personalities and interests, though, and get books/toys or go on outings to encourage that. I try to take one or the other twin out alone every weekend (just for errands, often) so that the other twin is home with Dad and big sister (3.5). Those times are really special for us!

I also think its important for their older sister to have one-on-one time with each little sister. Having a 3rd child probably helps break up the twin-reliance since they both take turns playing with her, leaving the other to hang out with me or play by themselves. One definitely tends to play/enjoy playing along with big sis more than the other, which is fine but I am keeping an eye on it to make sure the second twin is not excluded too much.

I am also intending to separate them for preschool, when the time comes. Same school, different classes. I want them to make their own friends and be seen as an individual and I don’t think thats possible together (esp since they are identical). We have a ways to go before then, however!
.-= Kristin from Intrepid Murmurings´s last blog ..Line ‘em all up! (aka out & about while outnumbered by toddlers) =-.

]]> By: Susan http://www.hdydi.com/2010/03/the-twins/comment-page-1/#comment-8404 Susan Fri, 05 Mar 2010 19:54:33 +0000 http://www.hdydi.com/?p=4012#comment-8404 My kids are nearly the same age as the last commenter...nearly 3 boy/girl twins, and nearly 8 older sis. Occasionally boy twin will go with daddy for a boys' activity, which usually starts with girl twin's sobs and shrieks of "Buddy come with me!!" when she sets out with us girls. It breaks our hearts...but clearly, boy twin needs his time with daddy and enjoys it so much in our case. Girl twin ends up enjoying her day too, after the sobs subside, and she is convinced we are doing something "special"... We do a lot of just surviving too...and letting them work out what they need/want...but I too stress and guilt over this issue quite often! Thanks for all the thoughts shared here! I am kind of dreading preschool or kindergarten...whatever we decide to do...and the decision on whether to separate them there or not. YIKES. My kids are nearly the same age as the last commenter…nearly 3 boy/girl twins, and nearly 8 older sis.
Occasionally boy twin will go with daddy for a boys’ activity, which usually starts with girl twin’s sobs and shrieks of “Buddy come with me!!” when she sets out with us girls. It breaks our hearts…but clearly, boy twin needs his time with daddy and enjoys it so much in our case. Girl twin ends up enjoying her day too, after the sobs subside, and she is convinced we are doing something “special”… We do a lot of just surviving too…and letting them work out what they need/want…but I too stress and guilt over this issue quite often! Thanks for all the thoughts shared here! I am kind of dreading preschool or kindergarten…whatever we decide to do…and the decision on whether to separate them there or not. YIKES.

]]> By: diane http://www.hdydi.com/2010/03/the-twins/comment-page-1/#comment-8403 diane Fri, 05 Mar 2010 16:52:09 +0000 http://www.hdydi.com/?p=4012#comment-8403 I am just trusting that my boys will work it out. They are never apart and our lifestyle doesn't allow for that "one on one" time since we have a total of 3 kids (twins almost 3 and older son age 8). When the kids outnumber the parents it is about survival and the rest can work itself out! I fully agree with the statement from other post: ... it is not that you have to spend equal time with them or even treat them equally but that you identify each one’s individual needs at the moment. " I think I'm VERY good at doing just this and moment to moment whichever child needs attention will get it (for about 60 seconds). That is the hardest part of having 3 kids, I'm still struggling just to get by. I am just trusting that my boys will work it out. They are never apart and our lifestyle doesn’t allow for that “one on one” time since we have a total of 3 kids (twins almost 3 and older son age 8). When the kids outnumber the parents it is about survival and the rest can work itself out! I fully agree with the statement from other post: … it is not that you have to spend equal time with them or even treat them equally but that you identify each one’s individual needs at the moment. ”
I think I’m VERY good at doing just this and moment to moment whichever child needs attention will get it (for about 60 seconds). That is the hardest part of having 3 kids, I’m still struggling just to get by.

]]> By: Christina http://www.hdydi.com/2010/03/the-twins/comment-page-1/#comment-8390 Christina Fri, 05 Mar 2010 00:29:12 +0000 http://www.hdydi.com/?p=4012#comment-8390 I agree with the last 2 post. I am just letting Abby and Alex figure out what they want, without pushing them. They are very, very different already and I think they will work it out. And I will always call my girls "my girls." :) .-= Christina´s last blog ..<a href="http://ourlifewithmultiples.blogspot.com/2010/03/shred-update.html" rel="nofollow">Shred update</a> =-. I agree with the last 2 post. I am just letting Abby and Alex figure out what they want, without pushing them. They are very, very different already and I think they will work it out. And I will always call my girls “my girls.” :)
.-= Christina´s last blog ..Shred update =-.

]]> By: Stephanie http://www.hdydi.com/2010/03/the-twins/comment-page-1/#comment-8388 Stephanie Thu, 04 Mar 2010 23:32:01 +0000 http://www.hdydi.com/?p=4012#comment-8388 I, too, just let my girls do what comes naturally to them. They are identical girls and I'm not sure it is wrong, at this age (3), to make them be apart if they don't want to. The one thing I have been teaching them is that we are family and as a family you take care of each other. I would do this if they were twins or year apart in age. So in that aspect, because it is not their fault they are twins, they are learning the importance of looking out for each other which might in turn make them the "weird twins". I'm not sure there is a right/wrong way to deal with this issue.....but always make me think. I, too, just let my girls do what comes naturally to them. They are identical girls and I’m not sure it is wrong, at this age (3), to make them be apart if they don’t want to. The one thing I have been teaching them is that we are family and as a family you take care of each other. I would do this if they were twins or year apart in age. So in that aspect, because it is not their fault they are twins, they are learning the importance of looking out for each other which might in turn make them the “weird twins”.
I’m not sure there is a right/wrong way to deal with this issue…..but always make me think.

]]> By: Jungletwins http://www.hdydi.com/2010/03/the-twins/comment-page-1/#comment-8387 Jungletwins Thu, 04 Mar 2010 22:43:23 +0000 http://www.hdydi.com/?p=4012#comment-8387 I'm just rolling with the punches, and trying to to do anything to push my twin girls together, or pull them apart- just letting them decide when and with who they want to play. They already look and act so differently, I suspect they'll have a lifetime of people seriously doubting they're twins. .-= Jungletwins´s last blog ..<a href="http://jungletwins.wordpress.com/2010/03/03/everything-and-more/" rel="nofollow">Everything, and More.</a> =-. I’m just rolling with the punches, and trying to to do anything to push my twin girls together, or pull them apart- just letting them decide when and with who they want to play. They already look and act so differently, I suspect they’ll have a lifetime of people seriously doubting they’re twins.
.-= Jungletwins´s last blog ..Everything, and More. =-.

]]> By: Judy http://www.hdydi.com/2010/03/the-twins/comment-page-1/#comment-8384 Judy Thu, 04 Mar 2010 21:23:25 +0000 http://www.hdydi.com/?p=4012#comment-8384 Oh, the twin book was called "Emotionally Healthy Twins: A New Philosophy for Parenting Two Unique Children by Joan Friedman. Oh, the twin book was called “Emotionally Healthy Twins: A New Philosophy for Parenting Two Unique Children by Joan Friedman.

]]> By: Judy http://www.hdydi.com/2010/03/the-twins/comment-page-1/#comment-8381 Judy Thu, 04 Mar 2010 20:56:52 +0000 http://www.hdydi.com/?p=4012#comment-8381 It sounds like Buba might be one reaching out for some individual time. I have identical girl twins and they do not always play together. Occasionally one will want the other one to play too, and sometimes the request is obliged. It's not the end of the world if it is not though. I have read some books on the subject, I forgot the titles (one was specifically about twins, a few just touched on the subject but seemed relevant). To help them develop their individualness, it is not that you have to spend equal time with them or even treat them equally but that you identify each one's individual needs at the moment. Buba wants to play on his own, so distracting Tiny is what needs to be done. It also sounds like Tiny might need to learn how to let Buba play on his own. So Tiny can learn be by herself. The twin book said that boy/girl twins can be the most detrimental because the girl develop communication and social skills more quickly than the boy. This leads her to take charge and speak for him and generally boss him around. This tends to be fixed once the children are seperated in school. Though, it says that the girl has the hardest time with that seperation. It sounds like Buba might be one reaching out for some individual time. I have identical girl twins and they do not always play together. Occasionally one will want the other one to play too, and sometimes the request is obliged. It’s not the end of the world if it is not though. I have read some books on the subject, I forgot the titles (one was specifically about twins, a few just touched on the subject but seemed relevant). To help them develop their individualness, it is not that you have to spend equal time with them or even treat them equally but that you identify each one’s individual needs at the moment. Buba wants to play on his own, so distracting Tiny is what needs to be done. It also sounds like Tiny might need to learn how to let Buba play on his own. So Tiny can learn be by herself. The twin book said that boy/girl twins can be the most detrimental because the girl develop communication and social skills more quickly than the boy. This leads her to take charge and speak for him and generally boss him around. This tends to be fixed once the children are seperated in school. Though, it says that the girl has the hardest time with that seperation.

]]> By: Michelle http://www.hdydi.com/2010/03/the-twins/comment-page-1/#comment-8379 Michelle Thu, 04 Mar 2010 20:28:10 +0000 http://www.hdydi.com/?p=4012#comment-8379 I appreciate your thoughts in this post. I've been thinking about similar issues with our boys. We have 14 month old twins, a tw0-year-old (almost three), and a four-year-old (almost five), all boys. My husband and I refer to the kids often as "the big boys" and either "the babies" or "the little boys" or occasionally "the twins" for the sake of expediency, but we realize it might detract from their individuality. One suggestion that the mom of four (adult) boys who were close in age shared with me at the grocery store when I was there with all four boys was that in their family they swapped bedrooms every year, so that each sibling shared a room with a different sibling every year. She felt this encouraged all her boys to have close relationships with each other, not just each dyad. I thought it was a great idea, and we plan to start swapping bedrooms once our babies are out of their cribs. I know this doesn't apply for many families, but perhaps some of you might find this suggestion useful. I appreciate your thoughts in this post. I’ve been thinking about similar issues with our boys. We have 14 month old twins, a tw0-year-old (almost three), and a four-year-old (almost five), all boys. My husband and I refer to the kids often as “the big boys” and either “the babies” or “the little boys” or occasionally “the twins” for the sake of expediency, but we realize it might detract from their individuality. One suggestion that the mom of four (adult) boys who were close in age shared with me at the grocery store when I was there with all four boys was that in their family they swapped bedrooms every year, so that each sibling shared a room with a different sibling every year. She felt this encouraged all her boys to have close relationships with each other, not just each dyad. I thought it was a great idea, and we plan to start swapping bedrooms once our babies are out of their cribs. I know this doesn’t apply for many families, but perhaps some of you might find this suggestion useful.

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