Comments on: separating multiples in the classroom

By: Rachel

Rachel — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 22:12:03 +0000

We’re too young to have done any classroom separation bit yet.

But giving separate bedrooms was the BEST DECISION EVER. Case in point: our boy was happily (us, not so much) singing at the breakfast table at 650 this morning, and our girl was still sleeping soundly at 740. Had they been in the same room, we’d have a major case of the cranks.

By: Dianna

Dianna — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 05:14:43 +0000

I have identical boy twins, who will be going off to preschool this fall. I was completely appalled when the director (whom I’ve known for years) asked me how I felt about separating them.

I told her absolutely not.

I don’t know what it that just gets me so much over those comments — these are my youngest children, and quite possibly my last. They’ve been together from Day one — why in the world would I want to separate them now??

When they get older, I will be completely fine if they ask to be apart, but for right now, I’m keeping them together.

Thanks for the great post!

By: Sadia

Sadia — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 15:29:31 +0000

I love Jill’s comment. I think the burden on treating twins as individuals is on the teacher. My daughters have mostly had wonderful daycare teachers, who get to know them and treat them as separate people, but also honour their closeness (letting them nap side-by-side, holding hands if they want). The one time that I had concerns about their individuation was when they had a teacher who refused to learn to tell them apart.

We will likely put our daughters in separate classrooms starting in 1st grade, but that’s because Melody tends to answer for Jessica, and Jessica lets her unless she has something burning to say.

By: Jill

Jill — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 02:10:00 +0000

I am an elementary school teacher and a mother of 2yr B/G twins. Before having twins, as an educator, I always felt it was important for twins to be separated in school. However, now being a MoM- I feel differently. There has been research that shows that separating twins before grade 2 (when they say they can developmentally understand why they are being separated) can actually cause more harm to kids. They can get anxiety about what the other twin is doing- causing them to struggle with their own learning. They can also think they are being punished for “being a twin” and that is why they are separated. Kindergarten as it is, is a huge change- So separating kids that have been “together” their whole lives can be tough. Most educators will say that twins should be separated in order form them to become individuals. However, separating them does not make them individuals, how you foster their individuality is what makes them individuals and that can be done whether they are together or not! With that being said. There are definitely times when parents know if their kids should be separated and why. I personally feel that keeping them together or not really depends on them as a “set”- And things change from year to year, so whether or not they stay together from year to year should be looked at too!

By: Krissy

Krissy — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 19:19:06 +0000

My 3 year old b/g twins DO NOT have that special twin connection. At all. As such, they will be in separate class rooms as soon as they are in school and I think they will thrive. They thrived when we put them in separate cribs, and then separate rooms, and they adore spending the occassional weekend away at the grandparents, one at a time. They are not cuddly, or super-sweet for prolonged periods of time with each other. Honestly, I have spent a lot of my career as a mother just trying to keep them from seriously injuring each other

Does anyone think identicals are more connected that fraternal twins? I wonder if that is part of the difference…

By: mmusciano

mmusciano — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 16:26:42 +0000

I have 6 year old boy/girl twins. They have stayed in the same class from Preschool through Kindergarten last year (Montessori). They still need to know that they other is there, but they are not dependent on the other. For us, keeping them in the same class was a MUST. We would have it no other way. As long as one child is not holding the other back, what is so bad with keeping them together? Twin bonds are extremely strong – parents/teachers/school systems should not destroy that. If the time comes that we feel they need to be separated, we’ll revisit it. But as long as they are in Montessori they will stay in the same class – at least until the 7th grade where we’ll be forced to change school.

By: Kristin from Intrepid Murmurings

Kristin from Intrepid Murmurings — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 03:55:48 +0000

Interesting to read that pro-keeping them together article — I haven’t seen much from that perspective! I agree with so many comments here — its clear that this issue can really depend on the specific kids and school(s).

At age 2 my (ID) twin girls are okay with leaving each other playing by themselves/other kids, so I’m planning to separate them for preschool in a year (if nothing changes drastically, anyway). A great thing about our preschool is that they’ll be able to join each other in a common “studio” if they want, which should be great for them!

My biggest worry if they are in the same class is that their peers and teachers won’t be able to tell them apart, and therefore won’t treat them as individuals (I’ve seen some evidence of this with twins in my eldest’s class and it feels not good to me). But I am sure there are things that you can to do help keep that from happening (different haircuts, shoes, colors, etc), so its certainly not a given!

I absolutely see that some situations would lead to placement in the same classroom the ideal choice — and support making it the parents (and eventually the kids themselves) choice.

By: Goddess in Progress

Goddess in Progress — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 20:24:11 +0000

I agree with everyone, I really think it comes down to knowing your own kids. I don’t think a firm policy on separating multiples in school is a smart thing for schools, because all kids have different needs at different times.

My kids start preschool (Montessori) in the fall, and they will be in separate classrooms. Especially because the classes in their school are mixed-age and longitudinal (they stay with the same teacher in the same room for 3 years), they do suggest separating multiples. And for my kids, I think it’s going to be the right decision. Being apart from one another is not something that causes them intense distress, and they seem to do well when they have enough space to be out from one another’s shadow. I wasn’t sure at first, but now I’m actually looking forward to it. We’ll see how it goes!

By: China

China — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 18:02:28 +0000

Mine are pseudo-twins, adopted from the same orphanage, are four months apart in age, and both visually impaired. I wanted them together in preschool and kindergarten but thought they should seperate in first grade. They were in seperate classes but the classes were on the same team and they were together at lunch, play ground, field trips, etc. They were put back together in the same homeroom in fourth grade. I thought it might be a disaster, but they did very well, but my son is less social and becomes a bit dependent on his sister, so for fifth grade they will again be seperated to try and encourage him to make more friends. I think for middle school, having them together would be a social disaster for my daughter! : )

By: diane

diane — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 14:43:32 +0000

I do not plan to separate my boys (who haven’t even started preschool yet). Their older brother is in second grade so I was knee deep in homework with him all year. I would dread the thought of two sets of homework from two different teachers. I have heard from experienced parents of grade school multiples, that keeping them together GREATLY simplifies certain things like homework, conferences, field trips, class parties, etc etc. It is hard enough keeping straight one classroom activities and homework. I cannot imagine navigating two sets expectations activities and etc. if they end up in separate classrooms. My fraternal boys have very distinct looks and personality, often people don’t think they are twins! So I have few worries about them being lumped together.