Thanks to you- those who write (or have written) and those who comment- I know how to help my children get the sleep they need, how to take them out into the community, as well as how to travel with them far and wide. You remind me that being a mother of twins brings different kinds of challenges, and that it’s normal to sometimes wish I’d had just one at a time. I know that I have benefited tremendously from being a part of the HDYDI community and it really makes be wonder how they did it- all those MoMs who had children back in the days before the Internet was born. I can’t even imagine it.

So this weekend, I will absorb every smile, every gift, every greeting card that celebrates my role as a mother. It is the most challenging, most exhausting, most rewarding, most fulfilling job I have ever had,  and I can no longer imagine my life any other way.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Matou and the twins, 13 1/2 months.

We follow the kids’ lead where we might put our fingers in that crack in the concrete where the earth has settled, feel the softness of the bark a dying tree, behead an earthworm, touch the wheels of a parked fire truck, feel the bumpiness of rocks or the stickiness of a pine cone, chasing the black birds in the grassy lot across from the church, bark back at the dog in the neighbor’s window, peek around for lizards that have scampered into the ground cover. Sometimes, it might take forty minutes just to get to the park.

18 months.

Sometimes? Sometimes, we don’t get there at all.

So you can imagine that after five straight days of raining, we were all ready to get out of the house, even if there was standing water everywhere, an event that caused my partner and mother to want to keep the kids’ feet planted firmly on sidewalk.

But it was me, the Classic Type A Personality, the ENFJ, that announced to my mom and partner, “let them splash!, so what? We have a perfectly functioning washing machine just inside the house.”

(Granted, I had Type A motivations: sensory experiences and neural pathways and the hopes that it would help get them tired before dinner and bed. But, more importantly,) they loved the mystery of it all – the sound of a splash, how the water sleeps and then thrashes when stepped upon, the coolness of the water between the fingers, the heaviness of wet clothes, the changing color from clear to brown, the grittiness of mud.

And as one moment in a collection of moments, we remembered: we remembered being kids, we remembered uninhibited play, the encouragement to try something new, and the security of knowing that our parents would make us warm and dry again.

So today, I am thankful for the unintended consequence of my twins – that I’ve become more patient, more forgiving, that they’ve reminded me to be a kid, allowing me the freedom to be struck by awe and wonder at the simplest things around me.

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Rachel is the birth mom of a two-working-mom household to 21 month old boy/girl twins that can now open the gate at the bottom of the stairs. This is a problem. She blogs over at Motherhood.Squared

“How’s it going getting rid of the pacifiers?” he asked P.

A look of panic flashed across P’s face, and he turned away from the dentist.

He tried again. “Are you guys gonna give them to Santa this year?”

I seized the opportunity and asked follow-up questions about Santa’s policy on pacifier surrender. The boys were unimpressed, and hid their faces in my coat. As I gathered our mounds of paperwork and prepared to leave, P motioned me down to his level.

“I think I do want to give my babas to Santa,” he said. Then his giant blue eyes filled with tears and he wept silently as we paid and walked to the car.

In the minivan, G tearfully said that he, too, would give up his babas at Christmas, in return for an extra present from Santa. Then he burst into tears, accompanied by loud heart-wrenching sobs that continued about 20 minutes.

My boys are 5. You can find a full apology for their continued baba use here, but the shortened version is this:

“I don’t believe it will hurt his teeth, really. But even more than that, I know there are looming in his not-so-distant future so many goodbyes he won’t be able to put off. He sleeps tonight as he did before birth, curled against his brother, the two of them partners in a relationship beyond my understanding. There is no sparing him heartache, as these two will have to part eventually for their future lives to begin.”

In the weeks before Christmas, G wavered in his resolve but P stood firm. On the 23rd G tried to organize a coup but P was having none of it.

On Christmas Eve, with little fanfare, we tied the boys’ babas with twine and they hung them alongside their stockings. A few tears were shed at bedtime, but Jason and I held their hands and cuddled them, and they drifted off to sleep. In return for their trouble, Santa brought them shields sent by Captain America himself.

The next few nights were more difficult, but overall the transition was very easy. Once they volunteered to surrender their beloved pacifiers, I knew they were ready despite the tears and misgivings. And so far, neither has started sucking his thumb (as their sister did when we took away her pacifier at age 3).

This past weekend we took an overnight trip to an indoor water park; a thank you/congratulations gift from us to the boys, in recognition of a major milestone. Not just that they’re finished with pacifiers, but that they gave them up willingly, on their own timetable, even though it was painful and scary. I’m so proud of them.

Jen is the married work-from-home mother of 7-year-old Miss A, 5-year-old boys G and P, and 3-year-old Haney Jane. She also blogs at Diagnosis: Urine.

When I found I was pregnant last year.  I did the math to see when the baby was due. I estimated my due date in the last week of January.  I was relieved.  When I was younger, I knew too many kids who complained their birthdays were so close to Christmas that people just lumped their birthdays and Christmas together.  As a parent, I could also imagine the challenge of paying for Christmas and birthday gifts at the same time and trying to maintain calm with all the excitement of two celebrations so close together.

When we found out we were having twins, our doctor said, “anytime after 32 weeks they could arrive.”  So, I did the math again.  32 weeks was the last week of November.  So, we could expect babies anytime in December or January.  I hoped the babies would arrive in January because I knew that the longer I carried them the better. But, I realized early on this in pregnancy, that everything wasn’t going to go exactly as I planned.

As my pregnancy progressed, my doctor said he thought we should be prepared for a cesarean delivery at about 36 weeks. So, I got out my calendar and I did the math again. That would be the week between Christmas and New Year’s. While there is a certain novelty to having a Christmas baby or two, or a New Year’s baby or two, or one baby born in 2008 and one in 2009, I selfishly didn’t really want to spend my holidays in labour, or in the hospital, or in the NICU with premie babies.

I held my breath, but there were no Christmas babies and no New Year’s babies. It turned out that the girls weren’t in any hurry to arrive. At almost 38 weeks, I had my scheduled cesarean delivery.

So, this was our girls’ first Christmas.  They are 11.5 months old.  They were old enough to realize something was going on.  They enjoyed looking at playing with the decorations on the tree.  They played with tried to eat the bows and wrapping paper.  They put their toys anything they could reach in to gift bags and took them out again, over and over again.

As I’m putting away the toys and books they got for Christmas, and washing the new outfits they got as gifts, I’m thinking we’ll be doing this all again in less than 2 weeks for their birthdays.

My concerns about having Christmas and birthdays so close together remain. But I also have some new concerns. The girls have lots of new toys and clothes for age/size 12 months. They don’t need anymore outfits this size or toys for this developmental stage.  I’ve asked their grandparents, who always buy their grandchildren each a new outfit for Christmas and their birthdays, to buy clothing in the next size up. Hopefully they will get gifts that they won’t outgrow too quickly or overlook with all the excitement.

I’m also concerned that with their birthdays being so close to Christmas, and their being twins, it will be even harder to ensure they both feel recognized as being special and individual children.

Does anyone else have birthdays and Christmas this close together? How do you manage Christmas and birthdays and other celebrations in your families? How to make sure birthdays are special when they are shared?

4-7pm was still a really tough time of day for us, so our trick-or-treating was kept to a minimum. After dinner, we took a walk through the neighborhood, my husband and I each carrying a baby and pointing out all of the big kids in their costumes. Although they were obviously way too young to understand the excitement of Halloween, it was fun to watch my babies’ little faces light up as they watched all the children darting from house to house.

As a result of our early bedtime rule, we did not pass out candy last year. The nursery is at the front of our one story home, so we kept our light off and prayed that no one would ring our bell. With the front of our house dark, and not a pumpkin in sight, we were left to ourselves for the entire evening.

But this year, with twins almost 20 months old, I’m ready to begin teaching them about the fun and excitement of Halloween. In September, I picked up brand new costumes- a monkey and a bear- at a MoM sale for $5 each. They are way too big, but the kids got soooo excited when they tried them on, that we decided to just roll up the sleeves and pant legs and go with it (and may continue to do so for several more years!).

We kicked off the start of Halloween week by attending a Halloween party at our local senior citizens center. The kids sat and listened to stories, and then went trick-or-treating around the room- going from table to table, gathering goodies and compliments from the admiring seniors. Honestly I’m not sure who was happier, the kids or the seniors. Next we went to a Halloween playdate, which was basically a room full of kids in costumes playing with toys. And we’ll finish up the week by attending our town’s family Halloween party and visiting just our closest neighbors for trick-or-treating. With Halloween being the night before we fall back an hour, we should have plenty of time to participate in giving out a little candy as well before bedtime.

What plans do you have for Halloween this year, and what traditions are you most excited about sharing with your kids?

(Princess hats not pictured)  10-31-08

This year we’re going the more “normal” route… buying from human stores since I’ve now got 20 + pounders.  I think they already love Halloween as much as me…. but their love for bows?  Not so much.

This year for Halloween, they’re going to be CoWGiRlS!  We ARE in Texas, y’all!  Pics to come on my blog.

Ever had to get creative with your multiples’ costumes?!  I’d love to hear about it!

Next year, I’ll do something more creative when they’re a little older.  In the meantime, why don’t you share your great Halloween costume ideas for multiples, or any other Halloween stories or advice you have to offer.

Here’s a great list of Halloween suggestions from ParentHacks.  It is one of my favourite web sites; there’s a suggestions to help in nearly every Halloween situation from how to make a last minute costume to what to do with leftover candy.

We spent the afternoon at a first birthday party for two twin boys (Happy birthday O & C!). We played outside a while–a must with the heard of toddlers who were celebrating the  babies’ birthday, had some cake, some snacks, some playing and then headed home to a quick bath/bed. And then an almost immediate poop-fest once they were in their cribs, supposedly sleeping, but that’s another story. It made me remember back to their first birthday party, which seems both like yesterday and like so long ago. They weren’t walking or talking yet and while they enjoyed the festivities, they were overwhelmed and overstimulated by all the fun—and ours was as low-key as any party. Some cake, some friends (mostly adult), some family…not much else. I spent an hour that night rocking an overstimulated little boy in a dark nursery, just so he could calm down enough to be able to fall asleep. They were still BFing—we had just introduced milk and drinking out of sippies was still so-so. They were babies….

But today. The kids played. Got pulled around in a wagon by the birthday boys’ Daddy (yeah, yeah, not sure how he ended up entertaining my two as well), eating cake with a fork at the kids’ table, eating more snacks as needed, singing happy birthday and playing nicely (for the most part) with the other toddlers. They sang happy birthday LOUDLY all the way home and ran around the house like maniacs. They had had a great time—and a lot of sugar. But, they had a nice bath, a nice story (Bread and Jam for Frances—AGAIN) and now, at 7:30pm, are silent upstairs in the nursery. It is a whole different world from that first birthday 18 months ago. And I often forget that, until something like a first birthday reminds me.  

What reminds you that your kiddos aren’t babies anymore? Are you sad about it? Happy? Relieved?

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Last Thursday, the kids started with runny noses. Friday and Saturday was my Mother’s Of Multiples club Garage Sale. Which I co-chair. So I was a little busy. I cooked all afternoon Sunday for the week (chicken cacciatore, oyaku donburi, meatloaf, cod and veggies in a cheese sauce, steamed jasmine rice, mmmmmm!). Work is crazy busy (for me, it’s in an office, for you, it could very well be attending to your kids at home). And we had an urgent and unplanned visit to the pediatrician Monday for what was ultimately for Croup. Not an atypical week in the life of a mom, really.

I was reading Goddess In Progress’ post, Absolving The Guilt, and I SO REMEMBER feeling the feelings those new MoM’s were distraught over. In fact, there are still days that I get that guilty feeling, to be honest. What between being a good partner, keeping the house up, paying the bills, feeding my family, planning garage sales, trying to finalize my new blog/website for launching next week, fighting off a cold, and a full time job.

So rather than fret about not having the time to write the post I intended to write, I leave you with a clip of my kiddos. Because there are moments in each hour that sprinkle our every day that make me swell with happiness that our life is our life, even if it’s different from the ones the books and articles and parenting groups say we should have. In the midst of the chaos and ‘broken rules’, there will be moments to marinate in, moments like this where I am stood still in the wonder that these little beings were formed in my womb. Hang in there, new mom’s of multiples, it doesn’t get easier, but it does get different.

(Don’t be sad, I’ll still be posting regularly on Laura’s Mommy Journal. And newborn twin parents, have hope as I detail my non-parenting interests on Laura’s Other Journal. Actually wait don’t go there yet, I need to write a better post before you click that link.)

I thought I would have great HDYDI blog fodder when we potty trained the boys, but even that was not twin training. Nate pee trained in April and poop trained just this past week. Alex pee trained in July and we’re still working on poop. See? I potty trained two boys, it just happened that I cleaned up the pee and poop off my carpet and their clothing at the same time. And really, everyone wants to hear some magical 3-day potty training process. They do not want to hear about the summer my boys held their poop until they could poop at the pool EVERY TIME in swim diapers. And how EVERY SWIM CLASS someone yelled, “I’m pooping!!!” in front of all of our neighbors.

(Crap, actually that would have been a great HDYDI post. Save your money for swim diapers the summer you potty train two boys because you will go through 4-6 for each pool trip. And when you live a block from the pool, you will go there 4 or 5 times a week, using at least a pack a week. AND ALL OF THOSE WILL BE FILLED WITH POOP. And then you’ll think to yourself – let’s not go to the pool for a week. And your boys will store that poop up and get cranky and constipated and then you’ll go to the pool and blow through three diapers for each kid ALL FILLED WITH POOP.)

I could go on and on about the people I’ve met through this blog (Goddess and I even met in person at the Obama inauguration!) and what it means to me. This has been a safe haven for me to talk about the struggles and unique joys of parenting twins. Instead of sappy tributes, I will leave you with my top three favorite HDYDI posts I wrote.

1. Pictures of my NO STRETCH MARK twin belly.  As some kind of karma for posting these pictures, I recently had two melanoma spots removed from my stomach and now have scars there. Also note: I am back to a jelly belly since I spent my summer drinking wine and eating bratwurst. Also note: I will be so pissed if on top of ALL THAT SWIM DIAPER POOP I get even more melanoma spots.

2. Our experience with Alex’s helmet, torticollis, and plagiocephaly. Every week I get emails from parents going through this same experience. If you or someone you know goes through this, I am always here to listen.

3.  My very first post – a twin mom won the first season of American Gladiators. If this does not inspire you to realize that being a multiple mom means you can do anything, I’m not sure what will.

Thank you everyone, for all that you have brought into my life. I’ll still be here, reading along and proving my sage advice. And if you think newborn poop is bad, wait until you get to wet 3 year old wet swim diaper poop.