Tandem nursing our twins with 18 month old big brother supervising

I found that for me, the advantages of breastfeeding far outweighed the disadvantages. Nutritional value and money savings aside, I love how breast feeding allows for closeness between mother and baby. After the babies were born, I never felt like I had the same quality time that I enjoyed with their 18 month old brother. Yes, things were crazy, but the 30 minutes we had together to nurse helped me to connect with the babies. First we connected as a team, “We can do this!” Now that they are bigger and eat much faster, I enjoy my one on one time with each baby.

Physical exhaustion will play a toll and make you want to quit at times, however I felt wiped out just thinking about the alternative pumping and bottle feeding. Things were not easy for us at first. My boys were born at 32 weeks gestation and spend two weeks in the NICU. The best thing you can do in that situation is not to panic when you are not able to breastfeed. I know there is a lot of discussion on the interwebs about people lamenting about how they weren’t able to breastfeed because the baby had to have formula first. Preemies will most likely start out with a feeding tube and progress to bottles, but I want you to know that just because they can’t nurse directly from your breast does not mean that they never will.

Kangaroo Care in the NICU with feeding tubes

So how do you prepare once you decide that you want to breast feed your multiples?

Prepare to Pump: The average gestational age at birth for twins is 36 weeks and the average NICU stay for premature twins is 14 days. Mothers who deliver their babies at 40 weeks should consider themselves lucky, although they may not be feeling all that lucky by 40 weeks (Yikes!)

The reality is that your multiples will be born earlier than a singleton baby and will likely spend a week or so in the NICU. If you decide that you want to breastfeed your babies, your first goal should be to prepare to pump because it is very likely that your babies will not be ready to nurse from the breast the minute they are born.

60% of mothers used a breast pump at some time. You will probably need to use a pump. If you can’t afford to rent or buy a hospital grade pump, check with your local WIC department. You may be eligible to use one of their hospital grade pumps for free. If you are planning on returning to work, you may want to consider buying a double electric pump if you can afford it.

Just a side note, you cannot stock up breast milk before your babies are born (well, at least your own). I have heard several anxious mothers express a desire to do this, but your milk will not come in until after the babies have been born. It may take a few days for it to arrive, but keep pumping. I went from having a drop of milk a day after my twins were born to coming home two weeks later with five gallon size Zip-lock bags filled with frozen breast milk containers.

 Plan to Eat: Breastfeeding is a workout girls and you’ve got to be properly fueled for the burn. The nursing mother burns an average of 500 calories per baby breastfeeding. Non lactating women need a minimum of 1200 calories a day so lactating women need to be eating at least 1700 calories a day.  If you find that you are having trouble with your milk supply or you are not losing weight, track your food on a free program like myfitnesspal.com and make sure you are getting enough to eat.

Prepare for challenges: Nursing twins has a whole slew of unique challenges that you will have to work through. I highly recommend synchronizing your babies schedules at first and nursing at the same time once they are able to nurse from the breast. If one baby is not ready to nurse from the breast, you could give him a bottle while the other is nursing. Mothering Multiples: Breastfeeding and Caring for Twins or More! (La Leche League International Book) is a great breast feeding resource from La Leche specifically for mothers of multiples.

Just because you have twins does not mean that you get a free pass from some of the other breast feeding obstacles. Our boys both had really bad tongue tie that we had to work through before they could nurse. A resources like kellymom.com or even finding a local La Leche group or lactation consultant is a great idea. You may even want to consider getting connected with local lactation specialist prior to the arrival of your multiples. They may be able to help you develop a game plan for breast feeding your babies, and you may feel comfortable contacting them when you need help if you have already met them.

We just made it through our first six months of exclusively breastfeeding and now we are beginning our journey by introducing solid foods. Although it is nice to be able to feed them from a spoon, I still look forward to each one of my ten mini nursing sessions each day (five for each baby).

If you are planning to breastfeed, I hope this article will help. If there are any moms who want to comment with tips for breastfeeding twins after going back to work, please do so in the comments below. I know there are several moms who would love to hear from you.

 What helped you when breastfeeding two or more?

Jamie is the mini van rocking mama to three lively boys, big brother age 2 and identical twins age 6 months. Check out Jamie’s blog and podcast, The Playdate Crashers. 

So we finally had a “quiet” moment to talk while all our kids were busy playing or at school.  My new friend already has two kids, one in school and one still home.  She appears to me to be overwhelmed by the surprise of two babies on the way and I feel real sympathy for what is ahead of her in the next year.

When I had my twins almost 19 months ago, they were my first and I was lucky enough to be able to stay home on (almost) bed rest for two months before they arrived.  I could just nap and eat. And once they were here, it was challenging to say the least, but I had no other little ones to care for.

What did I need to hear when I was pregnant with two?  That it would be OK.  That it would be hard, but that we would get through it.

My friends with kids warned me that “You’ll never sleep again!  Ha! Ha!”  The sleep deprivation was no joke.

That breastfeeding can be very challenging for some and that most likely you will need to supplement with formula until your milk comes in and you get yourself some rest. That there are ways to boost your milk supply with diet, herbs, pumping, and/or medication.  See a lactation consultant before you even leave the hospital if need be.  Oh, and pumping sucks.  You just gotta do it.

That if you can afford it (and I couldn’t) get yourself a night nanny so that you can take care of your babies with a clear head.  That they will stop crying.

And don’t do it by yourself.  When people offer to help, take it.  When people want to visit the babies, ask them to bring food.  Do the dishes, wash the bottles, walk the dog, fold the laundry, take the babies for a walk in the stroller.  You don’t need to  do it all yourself.  People want to help you, they just need you to tell them how.

We are in year two now, and though it has it’s own challenges, life is so much easier than in those early days with two newborns.

It does get better.  And you can do it.  And it’s so worth it.

What do you wish someone told you when you were pregnant with multiples?

You can catch up with me and my toddler twin boys at http://littlegrovers.blogspot.com/

Two years ago, I was very pregnant with my twin daughters, and considering the possibility of Christmas babies.  As Christmas approached, my family members wanted to know what to get me.  Knowing that I would have two little babies arriving within weeks of Christmas, I wrote my Christmas list accordingly:

1. Our prenatal class instructor told us families expecting multiples needed three things: a king-sized bed, a lazy-boy-style recliner and a freezer full of meals.  I think they are all good suggestions, but we managed without the first two items.
2. I planned to breastfeed our babies, so I asked for some nursing tops that would work for tandem feedings.  I also got a nursing loungewear outfit that I could wear during the day without feeling I was wearing my pjs.
3. I knew that while breastfeeding, I wasn’t going to be doing much else, so I asked for books.  After a few years of grad school, I enjoyed all those novels and magazines. I often found myself reading to my 2-year-old son while breastfeeding, or zoning out in front of the TV, but I did enjoy the books, too.
4. I got a TV show on DVD. For the evening feedings, I could also be sure to have something watch.  By this time of day I was too tired for much else but watching TV and eating.  It took most of the first year to get through 7 seasons of STTNG; an episode was usually long enough to feed both babies.
5. While breastfeeding, I was eating and drinking more than I did while pregnant.  I enjoyed the herbal teas, flavoured steamed milk, and water out of my new water bottle.  And the kind of snacks you get at Christmas but wouldn’t usually buy for yourself.
6. A telephone headset was great since I usually had at least one child needing my attention. It let me have adult conversation, emotional support and to get appointments booked while feeding babies, making snacks for a toddler or changing diapers.
7. Happy and healthy babies are the best gift of all.  They were a wonderful Christmas gift, but I’m glad they arrived a few weeks after the holidays.

Merry Christmas to all the new moms of multiples, and the moms to be!

For the last couple of months, I’ve shifted more and more to the “don’t offer, don’t refuse” approach to feeding during the day with scheduled feedings first thing in the morning and at bedtime. A couple of weeks ago, I cut out the morning feed.  Now, they are usually just feeding at bedtime, though sometimes if I’ve been working all day and dinner is going to be later, I feed them to address both their hunger and need for mommy-time.

I’ve been convinced for a while that R is ready to wean. She is most interested in breastfeeding when her sister is doing it. She does not initiate or expect to feed nearly as often as her sister. When I cut out their morning feedings and went straight from bed to breakfast, and she didn’t even fuss. In the afternoon, I can distract her with tickles or by looking out the window.  At bedtime, she is often too distracted to really feed.  She is more interested in what her sister and brother are doing, or in watching the ceiling fan, or “honking” my nose.  After two or three interruptions in as many minutes, I give her a hug and kiss and put her to bed.

My other girl, S, is on her own weaning schedule. When I started the “don’t offer, don’t refuse” approach, she was wanting to feed on the same schedule as before (after meals, before and after nap, in morning and at bedtime, at least). She comes looking to breastfeed way more often than her sister, and she is hard to distract. When I cut out the morning feeding, for a few days, I had to sneak in and take her to the other room to feed her before R woke up because she was so upset about not eating.  Even after a couple of weeks, she still wants milk first thing in the morning, though I’m not feeding her. When she sees me after a day of work, she wants to feed and a bedtime, she feeds without interruptions, and often asks for “more.”

I was hoping to phase out evening feeds in the next week or so, but I don’t see that happening. S is still very much interested in breastfeeding and R wants the same attention as her sister.  With their big brother, we changed his bedtime routine so Daddy put him to bed with a story instead of breastfeeding with me.  But, our schedule right now won’t support that change. So, unless the girls wean themselves, I think we’ll continue like this for another month or so.

How did you wean your children?  Did they wean at the same time? If not, how did you deal with it?

When we thought about having a second child I had images of snuggling the new baby in to the carrier and heading off to do all sorts of things with my 2-year-old son.  I imagined going to the library, the park and the indoor playground.  I thought it would be a chance for me to explore the world with my son, with the baby hanging out with us. Having twins meant reconsidering that plan.

I don’t think our son really understood we were going to be having twins until they arrived home from the hospital. He was only 27 months old when they were born and I’m not sure he was old enough to conceptualize what it meant to have a new baby in our family let alone two. But, it isn’t from a lack of effort on our part.

We talked about babies and big brothers

Starting a few months before they were due, we began to introduce the idea of babies. The timing was good because he had suddenly started to notice babies and we had a couple of friends who had new babies. We spent a lot of time talking about babies in general and about having two new babies in our family.  We read books and talked about looking after babies. We pointed to my tummy and talked about the babies inside. At the same time, we started talking about being a big brother and how that is a special job.  The day before the babies were born (scheduled c-section) we went and bought him a “big brother” shirt.  He loved that shirt and wore it for days after the babies were born.

We established and maintained routines

We moved him to his new bedroom and made the transition from his crib to his bed a few months before the babies were due so he was settled there before they were born. We set up the crib and change table and sorted clothes for the new babies to establish their presence.

Fortunately my pregnancy didn’t interfere too much with his routine. Later in my pregnancy, Daddy had to look after getting him up because I couldn’t lift him anymore. But, as much as possible we kept things the same.  Our son went to the same dayhome until just before Christmas (the babies were born in early January).

We took advantage of the time we had before the babies were born

Over Christmas we spent lots of one-on-one time with our son. We did practical things like getting his hair cut, and fun things like going for pictures with Santa.  This meant I had to borrow a wheelchair so I could get around more easily, but it was worth it.

We prepared gifts to and from the babies

We took our son to the baby section and let him pick a gift for the babies.  He chose a package of socks. So we wrapped those up and he brought them when he came to meet the babies at the hospital.  We also bought two books for him as gifts from the babies.  The books were also a good distraction for him while he visited in the hospital.

We prepared for my hospital stay

We didn’t really do much to prepare him for my hospital stay. The morning of my c-section, I spent a few minutes explaining to him I was going away to have the babies and that Daddy and Nana would look after him. In the hospital, we found out where there was kids playroom.  We also brought some snacks and toys for his visits. When he did come to visit, I tried to spend time with him and let someone else hold the babies.

We explained to him in simple terms (“Mommy has an owie on her tummy”) that I couldn’t carry him or hold him on my lap for a little while.  He needed some reminders, but he accepted it.

We made sure there were two adults around

During the first six weeks after my c-section, I always had someone around to help. I could lift my son, so someone needed to be there to look after him and to entertain him.  Whenever there were errands to do Daddy or Nana would take him along so he got one-on-one time.

We included him

Our son picked outfits for the babies and got them blankets and bibs when they needed them.  We made the baby supplies accessible to him and gave him some responsibilities in caring for them. He could rock them in the swing or turn on the bouncy seat. When I was breastfeeding, which seemed like all the time, I would read him stories so he could feel included.  After I finished feeding the girls, he and I would have cuddle time with a blanket.

We got out of the house

When the girls were three months old, our son started going to the dayhome again two days a week.  This was for him as much as for me.  He enjoyed playing with the other kids his age, getting outside, and not having everything revolve around the babies.  It was also a chance for me to spend time with just the girls and to rest.  As the weather improved and we got more organized, we started to do more things.  We went to the indoor playground, we took mom and tots dance classes, and we went to the library program.  It helped to have a friend in the same class to help out if necessary.  And it was important to leave enough time to get ready for any trip.

We made him the expert

When people wanted to visit the babies, our son would the one to tell them things like the babies’ names. We wanted to be sure he was included when people came to see the babies.  He loved to show off his “big brother” shirt. Some people brought him gifts when the came to see the babies, so he didn’t seem to be too jealous of the attention.  When visitors wanted to hold the babies, it was good time for him to cuddle with Mommy and Daddy.

Surprisingly, there hasn’t been too much jealously or negativity towards the babies. In fact, soon after they were born we were out at a store. The people next to us were unloading an infant car seat and our son asked “why do they only have one baby?” as if having two was the norm.

Do you have any other suggestions for helping an older sibling prepare for multiples?  How did your children respond to having new babies in the family?

This post is taken from a blog I write about introducing solid foods to my children – Solid Food Adventures.

*****

I’m continually hearing in the media and reading in parenting books and magazines that family dinnertime is one of those important routines that influences children well in to adulthood.  My husband and I both agree that sharing a meal as a family is something we value and something we want to include in our lives, yet moving from the theoretical to reality can prove challenging….

Breakfast at our house is usually eaten in shifts.  If I get up early to have some time for myself, like today, then I eat by myself, often in front of the computer.  When my son (age 2.5 years) gets up I’ll serve his breakfast and then work in the kitchen doing dishes, or making something else for me to eat, or I’ll feed babies (4.5 months old twin girls) in the living room. If it is a day he is going to the dayhome, I’ll serve him and then try to get babies in carseats while he eats.  As soon as he finishes we head out the door. I eat breakfast after dropping him off.  The babies get fed then too.

Lunch is also eaten in shifts. My son usually eats fairly early and goes down for his nap. Then I feed babies and then eat by myself, or eat by myself and then feed babies.  This allows me a little more flexibility in what I eat for lunch.  We often only have enough leftovers for one lunch so my son and I don’t always eat the same thing.

At supper, we all try to sit down together.  We usually serve my son first.  He starts eating while we finish serving our meals.  By the time we get settled, he is often ready for seconds.  If the babies cooperate, then we all get to sit down for a few minutes together.  If the babies are awake, we put them close to the table to include them.  But, dinner is usually interrupted by the babies who need to fed or want attention.  I often eat with a baby on my knee or I’m rushing through so I can feed them. Daddy and I are often done before my son, and it is really easy to get up and leave him to finish while we start the dishes, pack lunch for tomorrow, change the laundry, settle a baby, etc.  Mealtime often ends with my son sitting alone at the table while I feed a baby and Daddy prepares lunch for tomorrow. I don’t like leaving dirty dishes on the table, but the days when Daddy and my son start bathtime right after dinner and the dishes get left until later seem to better reinforce the essentials of a family dinner.

I imagine the confusion will only grow when we add two babies in booster seats to our family dinnertable.  I imagine we’ll feed them first, and then sit down to our meal until they are old enough to feed themselves finger food. It will mean more interuptions, more serving others while my food gets cold, and more wipping dirty hands and faces, but it will also mean our family is growing together and sharing a meal. Sticking with it even when it is challenging will make it that much harder to loose that time together.

***

Our girls have been eating solid foods for about a month now, and they are sitting up with us three meals a day. Preparing, eating and cleaning up after a meal can literally take hours.  How do you ensure your family sits down for meals together as often as possible?

One comment I hear from new moms of twins a lot (and probably from new moms of singletons too, if all the babies in my life didn’t come in pairs) is that their babies take forever to eat. As in an hour. Or more. And I’m not talking about babies who are a week or two old. I’m talking about babies who are two, three or four months old and still latching on and chowing down for a significant amount of time. With a newborn, you already feel like you spend all of your time nursing—how in the world are you ever going to do anything else? And I’m not talking big projects, like dissertations (shudder–mine is still not complete) or other ambitious projects—I’m talking shower and empty the dishwasher and maybe eat lunch.  By 2 months or so, my kids were eating for maybe 15 minutes a meal. By 4-5 months, it was down to 5 minutes.

So, when people ask me how to get their babies to eat faster, I tend to just pass on the advice I got from the fantastic lactation consultant who ran the breastfeeding group I attended. Obviously, this isn’t a problem for everyone. If you’re content with your kids eating for 45 minutes to an hour, then read no more. It’s not an issue! However, if it’s driving you crazy or making you contemplate stopping breastfeeding, then read on. And, readers, if you have good suggestions that worked for you, please put them in the comments section!

1. The breast is not a place to hang out and get comfy. As soon as you stop hearing swallowing or the baby starts falling asleep, you can pull them off. Babies will tell you (loudly) if they are still hungry.

2. Be comfortable having baby go back for round two. If you cut baby off after 15 minutes and now she won’t go to sleep, it may be that she’s still hungry. Feed again. No problem.

3. You may find your babies need to eat every 2 hours for a long time. Mine certainly did, at least during the day. However, this is much less of an issue if the feedings are pretty quick.

4. Offer a pacifier after feeding if they are still fussy, but not eating much. It may be that they are looking for the comfort of sucking, not the food. However, the benefit of the paci is that Daddy or Grandma can do that, it doesn’t have to be you. Thus, time for you to eat lunch!

These are just my thoughts on this and what worked for me. Obviously, all babies are different and I am certainly not an expert in breastfeeding. However, I found this lactation consultant so instrumental in giving me the tools and information to be able to keep breastfeeding my kids. I’d recommend a lactation consultant to anyone. Other ideas? Please chime in.

I had plans to exclusively breastfeed my boys until they were at least a year old. I read books, attended classes, lined up lactation consultants (LCs), lined up a post-partum doula, and watched videos. I was ready for anything, or so I thought. I would find I was not the least bit prepared for breastfeeding two preemies.

My boys were born at 36w, 3d. At birth, Nate had breathing issues and Alex had “feeding issues.” Every preemie parent knows it is so easy to say “feeding issues” and so hard to deal with those feeding issues. We couldn’t leave the NICU until he gained weight.

In the meantime, we spent 24 hours a day at the hospital. I pumped every 3 hours and Jon labeled precious containers of breastmilk for the boys’ use in the NICU. After two days, they were cleared to try breastfeeding. Every three hours, we’d get seven people together to breastfeed – one nurse to wake up Alex, one nurse to wake up Nate, an LC, me, Jon, Alex, and Nate. For 20 minutes, the nurses would vigorously rub the babies’ heads, stroke their palms, and gently shake them until they woke up. I was then under the gun to try to get a good latch with each baby and get them sucking before they fell asleep again. No pressure or anything!

For the first couple of days, there was no success. They would then get a formula/breastmilk feeding by gravage and I would go back to my room to pump. We eventually got to the point where Nate was feeding well. However Alex’s sucking reflex was so weak we only had one successful feeding the entire week in the NICU.

At home, things rapidly went downhill. Jon and I were exhausted trying to focus on breastfeeding. The routine was – 20 minutes wake baby 1, 30 minutes feed, 20 minutes wake baby 2, 30 minutes feed, 30 minutes Laura pump, 60 minute break and start again. 24 hours a day.

Alex never stayed awake long enough for a feeding and the time he was awake, his sucking reflex was extremely weak. He lost so much weight his skin was sagging off him. We made a joint decision with our pediatrician to supplement with formula. An LC showed us how to cup-feed and SNS-feed. We had an LC at our home trying to help us as well. I broke down in giggling hysterics the first time Alex drank from a cup. Jon cried one night when Alex could barely stay awake through one ounce of formula. We were so worried Alex would die or have to  be re-hospitalized.

During this entire time, Nate was feeding well. I spent hours on the phone and internet with experts on what to do about Alex. We’d try him at the breast with an SNS then try to cup-feed him and eventually had to get out a bottle at each feeding.

I completely exhausted myself to the point of depression trying to get breastfeeding to work. We’d set the alarm to get one hour of sleep and when it would go off, I would cry hysterically. I got to the point that I didn’t want the boys to wake up because I was so tired. I cried and cried and cried. I cried in bed, I cried in the shower, and I cried sitting in my living room. I have a history of depression and I was heading a bad path very quickly.

Here’s where Jon saved me. I learned parenting is a joint decision. Jon said we had to make the best decision for our FAMILY. We were not comfortable with breastfeeding just one of the boys while the other was formula fed.  We decided we would try a new strategy for 24 hours. I would pump and we would bottle-feed the boys. I would get some rest then we would re-assess.

Those 24 hours, I didn’t cry once. I started to enjoy being a mom. I started to enjoy cuddling my babies and staring at their little toes and fingers. I felt the fog lifting once I switched to pumping. I felt like myself again. The despair and depression were gone. I decided to become an exclusive pumper.

We had lined up help for 2 months and when our help left, I found it very difficult to pump and care for the boys at the same time. After much discussion, Jon and I decided I would stop pumping. Our freezer stash lasted until the boys were almost 3 months old.

Looking back, I don’t feel like I failed at breastfeeding. At each step along the way, we made the decision we felt was best for our entire family. And that’s what I didn’t understand about parenting while I was pregnant – these decisions need to include the entire family, not just the babies. I would have loved to have made it to a year, but I feel like we did everything we could to make it successful. I have peace with my almost 3 months of breastfeeding twins as a first-time mother. While breastfeeding didn’t work out the way I planned, I feel ok about it because nothing in parenting has turned out the way I planned yet it continues to far exceed my expectations.

What do you think when you hear that someone is nursing TWO YEAR OLDS? Surprise? Discomfort? Disgust? If they’re old enough to ask for it, they’re too old? I might have thought some of these. I cannot explain it, but it’s different when it’s your own children. It’s just Sarah and Jordan nursing, like they have every day since I could walk to the NICU. In the first year of their life, breastfeeding felt all consuming – six times per child during the day, a few more per child at night. I had to plan every meeting, every social engagement, and every attempt to leave the house around nursing or pumping. Now it is in the background, like bathing or brushing teeth. There are moments it is surreal. Recently I was tandem nursing and asking the kiddos about Spanish body parts — “point to your nariz; put your hands on your cabeza…” My son popped off and asked “Bubbie in Spanish.” When your child is asking how to say grandmother in Spanish, it’s a bit odd that they still nurse. On the other hand, it’s our normal.

I recently spoke with another daycare parent. When she found out that my kiddos still nurse, she seemed quite surprised and asked many questions. She nursed her child until 18 months so she’s clearly not against extended nursing. Still, I couldn’t help but feel embarrassed, and caught myself almost blaming my kiddos during the conversation (“they just don’t want to give it up”). Some family members quickly change the subject if I mention nursing and have even expressed concern. At times I feel pride discussing it with others, but there are moments when I feel a bit like the crunchy deviant Mama, like I should be wearing a prairie skirt and braids in my hair.

During pregnancy and the newborn phase when people asked if I planned to nurse I told them I would try and hoped it would work. Once we truly established nursing (after 3 very challenging months) I said I hoped to last a year. After a year I said I’d like to get them through another daycare winter. I have no specific goal at this point.

It has evolved in the past year. At 13 months they still nursed wake up, 10:00 AM, before nap, after nap (their daycare is in the same building as my office), before dinner, before bed, and throughout the night. I gradually weaned them off the nighttime (thank goodness), working hour and pre-dinner ones, finally dropping the lunchtime one at around 20 months. Unless they are sick, they do not nurse between bedtime and 7:00 AM. I never offer, but almost every morning and bedtime they request and I do not deny at those times.

I prefer nursing one at a time. I still occasionally tandem nurse when they are both frantic for it, but over 50 pounds of toddler nursing feels overwhelming. I’m not sure why given that our alternative is just as crazy,  often with one nursing one while reading to the other, book across the nurser’s body, nurser’s feet in reader’s lap. Sometimes when the first nurser seems to be dawdling I’ll give a warning, “three more seconds” and then count off. Other times the waiting kiddo will say “Sarah all done, one, two, three.”

When the kiddos were sick with the stomach bug, I was really happy that they still nurse. The doctor told my husband it was wonderful I still nurse to help them stay nourished and hydrated. I was glad to be able to offer them something comforting, nutritious, with antibodies, and in small quantities. I did at times, though, feel as though my body was letting my daughter down. I certainly do not produce as much milk as I used to (the days of eating with impunity are long gone), and Sarah was so hungry that she would sometimes stop nursing and cry because she could not get enough. I had flashbacks to newborn Sarah nursing for 40 minutes and still not able to get enough, and once again felt a sense of failure at being able to nurture my child.

There are days when I think nursing is less important to the kiddos than it used to be. Sometimes they are distracted and seem more interested in the book that Daddy is reading to their brother/sister than nursing. Other days, though, they cry and beg “Mama nurse…. Mama do one baby… Mama do two babies” as I pick up their sibling first thing in the morning. I still believe that my son as a singleton would have weaned by now, as he’s easily distracted, but if I am around, my daughter insists on nursing at bedtime and in the morning. Sometimes my husband gets them ready for daycare and if they don’t see me before breakfast, they might not ask. I believe twice I have left the house before bedtime and they went to sleep without nursing.

On a recent morning after the kiddos nursed and I was dressing them I asked, “Do you think soon you will want to go to bed and not nurse, just cuddle and read books?” They both looked at me like I’m nuts and said “no!” Then I asked “Do you think some mornings you want to get up and get dressed and have breakfast, and not nurse?” Sarah said “get up AND NURSE.” Tonight I asked Jordan “Do you want to read a book, or nurse?” and he replied “read a book after nursing.” The whole self-led weaning thing has yet to take at our house. I’m not sure how we’ll do it. Perhaps when I leave town? Or a few nights/mornings when I skip bedtime/wake up?  I’ve also read about letting them pick out a present, and saying they can have it when they are all done with nursing. We’ll see what we end up doing. I don’t want to force it in a way that they are dissatisfied with the way things ended.

At any earlier point discussing this topic, I think I would have said that I was not completely ready to be done, or at least, that I’d be sad when it ended. There were nights when Jordan skipped nursing, or a morning on vacation when they both did, and I felt almost teary wondering if the last time had already happened. Today I think I can say that I will be ready to be over when they are ready. I look forward to (mostly) having my body back (no idea what those post-nursing breasts will look like, though). Not thinking about what bra I have on (my son and I actually had a discussion about my wearing the “wrong bra” and “Mama take your bra off” just this week) or how cold my stomach will be when I lift my shirt. Occasionally having my husband say “why don’t you sleep in this morning?” because the kiddos won’t yell “Mama nurse!” until I drag my sleepy body out of bed. Being able to plan a business trip without worrying about clogged ducts and traumatized children. There are certainly things that I will miss, some of which are already long gone. More than two years of multiple times per day, looking down into my children’s eyes and seeing them content and relaxed. More than two years of feeling their warm bodies snuggled into mine. My daughter’s definitive nod when I ask her questions while she’s nursing. My son popping off to laugh or answer a question. I worry about getting enough snuggle time when they no longer nurse, as these days, hugs and kisses don’t always come when requested. Even when we’re done, I hope I find time every day to take each of my babes, snuggle them close, kiss their delicious heads, and tell them how much I love them. The memories of crying, frustration, pumping, bites, and all-night-long nursing are already fading, and I’m mostly left with melty thoughts of the sweet, gentle, cuddly moments. Babyhood is such a short instant in our lives, and I treasure all of these moments with each of them. I’ll miss it and not miss it and never forget it.

Sure, my 3-year old is a dream; she is really almost entirely self-sufficient. Baby Brett is also pretty easy. But as he is a 100% breast-fed baby, when it’s time for him to eat, I’m pretty tied down.

This leaves the monkeys twins, Aaron and Brady. These two are a challenge. It’s not that they are bad kids; they are just toddlers. Adventurous, curious toddlers. Plotting and scheming toddlers with their own “language“. So they need constant monitoring when they are awake. And almost constant physical intervention. The word “no” gets no reaction from them whatsoever. Well, except for a smile and a laugh. (And I think they are learning how to wink at us before climbing on the back of the couch as well.)

As I type this, I feel that I must disclose that I am really, truly alone with the children for very tiny windows of time during the day. I am blessed with a work-at-home husband who does 99% of the heavy lifting. But he does get caught up on work phone calls or occasionally would like to use the bathroom or shower.

Since I was born with only average, human-length arms, during those times when I am alone, if I need to sit and breastfeed, I only have two choices for the twins. First, I can take a chance and let Aaron and Brady (who sense weakness and go for it) have full run of their normal playroom. This room is <em>mostly </em>childproof but still has a few holes that they are drawn to when they know no one can jump up and physically stop them.

OR, I could confine them in their ever-present pack & play with a toy or a DVD for the duration of the nursing session. This can be anywhere from 15 minutes to 45 minutes depending on the baby’s mood at the time. That seems a little unfair to them.

If there is anyone out there who has any advice on how to make these nursing sessions a little less stressful, please help!

This post is cross-posted on my personal blog, www.thewjourney.com.